Sam @CUSP Conference 2015

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Scared to Death

I had an interview bright and early this morning with a PR agency back home. It's a really great opportunity. The thing is, they saw my being in Las Vegas as a hindrance instead of seeing it as something positive or experience that would translate well into the internship. The woman who interviewed me kept saying, "I'm really worried about your distance." She said this despite the fact that I want and will be returning.

It's crazy to me because if it's not one thing, it's another. When I was in Detroit I couldn't get opportunities in New York because they didn't like the idea of me being out-of-state. When I interviewed for a position in DC a couple of months ago, they didn't want to hire me because they didn't like the idea that I lived all the way in Vegas. It feels like I keep going places and getting stuck.

When I applied for an internship with HARPO a few years back, they didn't give it to me because they prefer applicants that go to school in state.

I applied to NYU last year and I didn't get it. It wasn't because of where I lived, but the point is, I didn't get it so I was stuck in Detroit for another year.

I feel like I am in a tug-o-war with destiny. Every time I take two steps forward I take two steps back.

I am scared to death that I am going to be stuck behind a desk the rest of my life pushing papers for a job I don't like. I got choked up this morning thinking about that.

What I want is simple... I thought. I just want to write. I want to be a dynamic writer who is able to write anything, novels (fiction and non-fiction), articles, feature stories, press releases. I want to be a media impresario. A mix between Mitch Albom, Stephen King, Danielle Steel and a touch of Oprah. But, it feels like I can't get any doors to open for one reason or another. I know it takes years to do what these people have done, but it would be nice if the door would open so I could at least take that first step. So far I am just turning the knob and pushing with everything I've got, but the door is bolted shut.

I am getting older and I want more...I am scared to death!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Who's stopping you from writing? Shall we beat this person up?