Sam @CUSP Conference 2015

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Sam and the City...It's Back!

I decided to bring back Sam and the City to my new blog. For all of you that read my original blog, I am sure you remember this series of entries. Well, I decided to bring it back because I have some observations and perspectives I'd like to share.

Why does it feel like dating sucks the life out of you...sometimes? I know this seems somewhat jaded, but from my own experiences and from some of the experiences my friends have shared with me, it seems like this is the case. You date someone. You invest your time, your heart, your private thoughts, your energies, your space to someone and at the end of the day after you've invested all of these things, you are left with nothing. I know that saying this makes me seem pessimistic and I hope it doesn't make me appear to be a male-basher because I am far from it. I love men and I believe that there is a guy for me somewhere out there (please note: I'm not really worried about it. He'll find me. I won't find him. I am more concerned with landing a bookdeal at this time for my two manuscripts. Anyway...). I have met some amazing guys. There is one guy in particular who I believe is absolutely amazing. But, I won't have a conversation about him via blogging. He is sacred territory. Sorry guys! As I was saying, there are great guys but they seem to steer clear from my circle.

A friend and I were sitting on her couch last night talking about the importance of a guy making us laugh. I love to laugh. Laughing is vital to my existence. It's the medicine I give and receive. I think I am pretty darn funny and most of my friends are too. So, when a guy is dry and he just doesn't get it, it's a total turnoff! She went on a date with a guy recently and the conversation was so laughless that I am just grateful she didn't die of boredom.

Another friend and I were talking a few days ago and we were talking about how some people jump into things before analyzing the reprecussions of diving in. For instance, I've had experiences when someone was fabulous and we were fabulous and then he realized that he didn't have space for me and I was left out on a limb. I think those are the most hurtful of all the scenarios when you don't fit in. But, I'm funny, smart, talented. How can I not fit in? Did I mention I am funny? :)

Then there was a conversation I had with yet another friend about how we will sacrifice our spirits. We will give of ourselves, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially to only be taken for granted and allow people to be absent for us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. We will go spiritually and financially bankrupt to be with somebody. It doesn't matter with what body as long as it is somebody. Sometimes women (in my experience and observations) are so afraid to be alone that they will take the first person that shows them a little bit of decency.

I am single and content. I mention content because there is a difference between being just single and being single and content. There was a time when I was not content and only single. But, I decided that if I didn't learn to be content I would miss out on the opportunity to nurture my own talents and ambitions because I would be too busy nurturing someone else's. I love to write! I tell people that all the time and I don't think they realize the passion I have for it. I love to share my thoughts (and hopefully someone cares to read about them. :), my feelings, my a certain degree and my imagination. I love to create and inspire. I wrote a book and it wasn't just because I came across an idea or because I wanted to try it out. I have these stories that live in my head and I have to get them out on paper. I had stopped writing for a little bit because I wasn't single and content. I was distracted and I probably missed out on a lot of opportunities. But, this is the secret. I found that once you find what you love and what moves you and makes you happy, you exude that happy and postive energy. In turn, that happiness, that beautiful positive energy brings forth beautiful and positive people. I learned once you focus on making yourself better, better things happen to you. It's amazing!

Now, I am not saying that once I begin dating again that I won't make a few mistakes. But, I do know that he's going to fit me in and vice versa and we are going to laugh and laugh and laugh. And, if it doesn't work out when I check my spiritual, emotional, financial and other accounts, they will be intact!

Cheers to good guys and the women who love them!




Marcus B. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marcus B. said...

Let me share my story with you. Almost a year ago my daughters mother told me she wasn't in love with me anymore after almost 8 years, and a week later my brother was killed. I had never felt so alone in my whole life. You would think all of my friends would have came to my aid but it's situations like this you really see who your real friends are. I begged my daughters mother not to leave and she told me "I'm not in love with, you get over it"! After that statement I reply with "fine I won't bother you anymore". She ask could she stay until her apartment became available and I agreed. But she might as well not have been there because she slept in one room and I slept in the other (my choice). She did her and I did me, we barely even spoke to one another. Now i'm dealing with the death of my brother and the lost of my family. To make a long story short, I received a call from a friend I hadn't heard from in years. She heard about what happen from a family member. She called ever day to make sure I was ok. We talked and laughed on the phone until my cell battery died. If it wasn't for her I may have went out here and did something stupid, but she kept me level headed. The second week of the year my daughters mother moved out and me and my lady friend started to see more of each other. Before you knew it she was my lady. I don't think neither one of us ever expected to be together. My friends and family members told me I should wait before I jump back in to another relationship but I felt like she had all the good qualities you look for in a good woman and I didn't want to let her get away. We are now coming up on a year and it seems like all my energy goes in to work, school, my daughter and my relationship. I have no time to build my legacy. On top of that we keep having a "debate" about my daughter. She seems to think my daughter is disrespectful. I try to explain to her that my daughter went from seeing me everyday to once or twice a week. She is only 3 years old, all she wants is my attention! She made a comment that I feel like suggested me to hit her. I don't believe hitting is always the answer. She has told me a few times now that she thinks we are on two different pages and I agree! Now it's starting to show in are young relationship. Most of my problems I face today have a lot to do with my own selfishness, I hate to be alone! It's not just women, some men hate being alone to. In fact I told her this before we were a couple. I could be with a different woman every week if I were that type of person, but i'm not. I'm a true cancer, I love to be in love... But at the sametime I hate drama and I rather be alone then deal with BS.