Sam @CUSP Conference 2015

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Sam and the City: Inconsistency

So, my goal was to keep my Sam and the City blogs light and fun. But, I have to keep this one real and it might sound somewhat bitter...Oh well!

I am so over inconsistent dudes! Why is it that when you first start dating a guy they are amazing? You get sweet texts in the middle of the day asking how your day is going, you get love notes, you get flowers, you get attention. He really acts likes he likes you. He doesn't just say it. His actions reflect how much he likes and wants you. You feel wanted, you feel special, you feel loved, you feel valued. But, then when you finally start liking him back and he gets comfortable you get the occasional phone call or maybe a text. You get token service. However, he expects you to be content and happy with his neglect, lack of appreciation and taking you for granted. He expects you to just sit there and smile and nod like everything is okay.

I met this one dude who I thought was absolutely fabulous! I told him how much I love New Orleans once so he sent me a ReNew Orleans jacket when I least expected it. When I was having a hard time at work he made sure to check in everyday to make sure I wasn't going insane. Once, I was having a really bad week and I received flowers with the sweetest note telling me everything would be okay. This behavior ended abruptly once he got comfortable and I had fallen.

It would seem to me that as time passes two people would grow closer. But, this has never been the case in my dating experiences. Dudes grow lax! Instead, of continuing to woo me, they have flipped the script and become lukewarm. I'm not needy at all. I have my own life, my own dreams, my own job, my own friends. But, I am a woman and I NEED you to at least act like I exist!

Another example, this one guy who I thought was my bestfriend and the MLK Jr. to my Corretta Scott, the Barack to my Michelle, the Fred to my Wilma, he started experiencing some family problems and, on top of that, he had a lot of new work responsibilities and a lot of stress. Instead of leaning on me and investing in me emotionally by sharing what was going on in his life, he just shut me out. I would get the occassional weekly five minute phone call, "Hey Sam, I'm on set I just wanted to call and say hi." Really? Is that all I deserved? I understand that men don't purge their emotions like women, but I wasn't getting anything. Just a five minute phone call, maybe once a week. He had a long list of priorities I wasn't on it. It's very sad. He used to tell me everything.

People really shouldn't start things they can't finish.




M.B.EZ said...

You not talking about the coffee guy are you? And you can't be mad at your close friend for not leaning on you!!! You might be the problem!!!! Give him time, if your not the problem you will soon know. As for guy slacking... you must be making them waaaaaaaayyyy to comfortable! Make it seem like they could be replace tomorrow or even better lose time for them, they will step their game up!

Kareem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rita Henderson-Dixon said...

Read the books "Why Men Love Bitches" & "He is just not that in to you" It will enlighten you on these very subjects. Men are like hunters they love the game (the hunt). Women should have a copy of each on their night stands.

Anonymous said...

i agree w/MB EZ. maybe they get way too comfy too fast. they will do all they can to get u then they think they got u and bamm!...some men do express their feelings just what they feel is important enough to tell...we women over think thing(why isnt he talking why why why) when they are probably thinking of nothing at all.u end it, and they are like why?...these ppl just weren't right for u that's all...sooner or later will find ur perfect dance partner

Anonymous said...

that was ~teg~ above^lol