As time progresses and I grow older and as I approach three years since my return to Detroit, my desires are changing and evolving along with my perspective as an artist and woman. My dreams are being re-mixed, if you will.
It's the same dreams, but better.
I try to be as candid as possible when writing this blog. I want people to be able to come to vivalassam.blogspot.com and read a raw account of what it's like trying to make a living as an artist and create a career. Add to that, the concept of trying to do that in one of this country's toughest towns-Detroit.
I love Detroit from the bottom of my heart. It's been a blessing to come back here and perform at home. It's especially been awesome to write for so many local publications with great editors and a diverse readership. I get to write about and meet some of the most amazing and creative people who make this such a great town in spite of the trials and tribulations we, like many other folks in this country, face socially, governmentally and economically. But, I think it may be time for me to go.
The reality is that I have not been able to get gainful and full-time employment since my return from the West Coast. I've applied for hundreds of jobs and I haven't been able to get called for even an interview by any of them. I have to hustle to make my ends meet. I'm a natural-born hustler so the grind of it all doesn't bother me-it's the instability that's hard to swallow.
I write as much as I can and I work retail to try to make sure I can eat, have transportation and have a place to lay my head. It would be nice to have a place to go every day, have some stable income and a bit of structure in my work life. Obviously, it would be even more of a blessing if I could have an editorial position.
Creatively, I have been flying high since my return to Detroit. I am writing more now than ever as a journalist and creatively. I've started doing theater again. I even discovered a new passion and talent-stand-up comedy. Whodathunk?
On a deeper level it's time to move forward as my professional and personal life seem to both be at dead-ends.
I'm looking for deep and meaningful experiences in both my personal and professional lives. I don't want superficial and temporary situations on either fronts. I'm not sure what it is about me that prevent employers, dudes etc. from recognizing my talents, innovative spirit and uniqueness and I can't read other people's minds so I have to figure out what I am doing wrong or what I am missing. Something is missing!
I've decided that if I am not employed by the time my show "A Musical Tribute to Vaudeville and Burlesque" closes in early May, I will be packing a bag and heading out to New Orleans to help with the Hurricane Katrina Relief effort still taking place down there. It will be SO refreshing to get out of my own head for a while and put all of my energy towards other people and helping them. I think if I do that I will come back with some clarity and a bit of peace-a vacation from my broken heart and disappointment is in order.
In regards to the long-term, if things don't change I am headed back to the West Coast.
Let's see what the rest of 2011 brings!