Sam @CUSP Conference 2015

Monday, October 8, 2012

A means to a new beginning

I feel like I am getting closer to my destiny every day.

For years and years I have been searching for the cure to this aching feeling I have had in my body for as long as I can remember. 

I recall being three years old feeling like there was something calling me. There was some sort of mission or job or occupation or relationship-- there was some sort of destiny I am supposed to get to or meet. 

The feeling can be best described as this anxiousness and uncertainty that lives deep down in the soul of who I am. 

I always felt like God was telling me that there was something I should do, somewhere I should be or go. And, in the quest to figure out exactly what that undefined thing was or is I have tried everything from working every single office job you could possibly think of to stand-up comedy and packing my Saturn Ion to drive almost 36 hours to Las Vegas. Needless to say, I never found it. But, now, I think I might be getting close. 

A year ago, I began working what I thought was a "dream job." I've endured a couple of layoffs and even been fired before so this new job seemed like I had finally found job security, and it was doing something that I have enjoyed doing since I was 12 years old, writing. But, after a year of ups and mostly downs, without the opportunity to hone my various experiences and talents, I know that this is not my "dream job." And, it definitely hasn't stopped the yearning and anxiousness that I have lived with most of my life, or, at least, as long as I have been able to walk. This ain't it. 

Losing my aunt, taking a class at Tech Town (Wayne State University) and being at the right place at the right time has finally gotten me on the track I have been searching for. 

I feel the anxiousness subside every time I step into juvenile facility where I am teaching theater classes every Saturday. And, every time I get excited about Shakespeare Against Cancer's first performance on the 23rd of this month at Children's Hospital, that feeling goes away. 

Working with and for kids makes that unnerving feeling that I have lived with my entire life go away. I live for it now. I pray to God to just get me through the politics and disappointments that come with my corporate environment so that I can make it to the weekend to go teach my girls. 

The feeling is completely gone, but I feel it fading.

I feel like I might actually meet my destiny one day. I feel like this is a new beginning, although, I am not sure where I will end up. But, I am starting to feel like myself.



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